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Old 01-30-2004, 07:38   #1
BMT (RIP)
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Rules for Real Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine..Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Old 01-30-2004, 10:09   #2
Surgicalcric
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Thumbs up

Damn...I almost spilled my coffee on my keyboard.

Not only is that funny, it is spot-on.

JD
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Old 03-25-2004, 16:08   #3
Sacamuelas
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Guy's rules- no not the eddie murphy look-a-like AProf member

The Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note .. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

****1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. Same as If it needs to be pinched/popped..
We do that .

*****1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or Firearms.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.


Yes, I know, I will have to sleep on the couch tonight if my wife reads this; but did you know MEN really don't mind that? It's like camping.


Last edited by Sacamuelas; 03-25-2004 at 16:18.
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Old 08-06-2006, 17:48   #4
Matta mile
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Too Funny!

Thats gotta be the funniest thing I've read online, everysingle "one" is dead on.
Thanks
chet
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Old 08-06-2006, 18:36   #5
NSDQ
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Right on BMT. Like a breath of fresh air, I was begining to think I was the only one with this attitude. Hmm sounds like a country song in there.

NSDQ
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Old 08-06-2006, 18:48   #6
Sdiver
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Quote:
1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.
This needs to be put in the "Castro is Dead" thread.

Over and over and over and over and over and over.....
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Old 08-06-2006, 18:51   #7
Gypsy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdiver
This needs to be put in the "Castro is Dead" thread.

Over and over and over and over and over and over.....

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Old 08-06-2006, 18:52   #8
HOLLiS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdiver
This needs to be put in the "Castro is Dead" thread.

Over and over and over and over and over and over.....
I hear the is a coup in the making, against the person who wants to cut the shoe allowance.
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Old 08-06-2006, 19:07   #9
Gypsy
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But I'm the one who cut it! Uh oh....is FS back?
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Old 12-23-2008, 18:04   #10
Morumbi97
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Posts: 20
Man Rules

Best email I had all month. If this has already been posted (I searched), then it's worth it again! I have no idea who the author is, but he should be awarded an honorary Phd.

_____________________________

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports or firearms.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But, did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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Old 12-23-2008, 20:35   #11
Dan
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...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morumbi97 View Post
If this has already been posted (I searched), then it's worth it again!
merged

...
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Old 12-29-2008, 14:15   #12
emoore
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1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.


I'm not greedy -- I would settle for one.
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Old 12-30-2008, 20:16   #13
Puertoland
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Damn, I hurt a rib.

Almost every single thing in there is the truth, ah man the woman is getting an email.
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Old 01-02-2009, 12:11   #14
Saoirse
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by BMT View Post
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
BMT, what a great post! I almost spewed coffee out of my nose! OMG! LOL

I agree with all of them! Yes, it's odd because I am a female. As for this one...... it actually takes a little more work to LIFT the lid than to flick a finger to let it fall back down! Though, admittedly, sitting down on a cold rim in the middle of the night, having NOT turned on the light because I am still in sleep mode...does make for an AWAKENING experience (bbrrrr)!! My man never hears me complain about that. LOL Lucky him!
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Old 01-02-2009, 15:17   #15
Red Flag 1
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Pepsi out the nose!!!

Glad I bought a keyboard fluid protector.


RF 1
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