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Old 06-23-2004, 08:14   #1
QRQ 30
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Angry Daddy's Ten Rules

What with Father's Day being recently celebrated, I thought I'd copy this from the "Teamhouse" page:

Quote:
Daddy's Ten Rules for Dating

1. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.


2. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your
eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
hips. Don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,
so I propose this com-promise: You may come to the door with your underwear
showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.However, in
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the
course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and
fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate,
when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will
kill you.


5. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Do not
do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when
you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I
need from you on this subject is: "early".


6. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make
her cry, I will make you realize that which goes around, comes around.


7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on
time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her
makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like
changing the oil in my car?


8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter into wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a
goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic
or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies which feature
chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


9. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not
trifle with me.


10. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy.
When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell
me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon
as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in
plan sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that
you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your
car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the
window is mine.
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Old 06-23-2004, 08:45   #2
Bill Harsey
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printed, laminated and duct taped to the front door. Thank you.
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Old 06-23-2004, 09:02   #3
Roguish Lawyer
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LOL

I'm glad I just have boys!

Last edited by Roguish Lawyer; 06-23-2004 at 14:10.
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Old 06-23-2004, 09:27   #4
Sacamuelas
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LOL
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Old 06-24-2004, 02:59   #5
Radar Rider
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Good list! I, too, am thankful that I have a son.
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Old 06-24-2004, 07:39   #6
Smokin Joe
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Great list!


I have seen it before with one more added to it:

11. If for any reason you make my daughter cry. I will make you cry.
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Old 06-24-2004, 08:14   #7
Guy
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Re: Daddy's Ten Rules

Quote:
Originally posted by QRQ 30
What with Father's Day being recently celebrated, I thought I'd copy this from the "Teamhouse" page:
Quote:
3. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue.....
While working as a construction superintendent, building elementary schools...this was a quick way to get your ass fired!
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:27   #8
myclearcreek
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I, too, am thankful to have sons. The parents of my nieces will all be given copies, however. I have also given my older son a copy and assured him there is a Dad behind every door and a shotgun being cleaned in every living room.
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:38   #9
Bill Harsey
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Re: Re: Daddy's Ten Rules

Quote:
Originally posted by Guy
While working as a construction superintendent, building elementary schools...this was a quick way to get your ass fired!
I want to work for Guy! Sounds like fun.
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:42   #10
myclearcreek
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Re: Re: Re: Daddy's Ten Rules

Quote:
Originally posted by Bill Harsey
I want to work for Guy! Sounds like fun.
I mentioned in another thread that I want to be his secetary when he becomes POTUS. There would never be a dull day, that is certain.
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:10   #11
Guy
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Post A pic of the first project....

I was promoted to superintendent on...

http://image.pegs.com/images/EA/2685/2685_b1.jpg
I inherited this project 3/4 of the way thru and behind schedule.

StudioPlus Cross Creek Mall
4105 Sycamore Dairy Road
Fayetteville, North Carolina United States 28303

I hired a Korean War Vet to handle all the trades and a E-7(Ret) to handle all the labor.
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:17   #12
Roguish Lawyer
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Re: A pic of the first project....

Quote:
Originally posted by Guy
I was promoted to superintendent on...

http://image.pegs.com/images/EA/2685/2685_b1.jpg
I inherited this project 3/4 of the way thru and behind schedule.

StudioPlus Cross Creek Mall
4105 Sycamore Dairy Road
Fayetteville, North Carolina United States 28303

I hired a Korean War Vet to handle all the trades and a E-7(Ret) to handle all the labor.
The greatest thing about working construction, IMO, is that you can go back years later, see what you helped build, and see that it is still there.
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:44   #13
Kyobanim
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Having a daughter is gods revenge on dads for being teenage boys at one time in their life.

Glad I got boys. My son gets to worry about the grand daughter.
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Old 06-25-2004, 01:42   #14
Radar Rider
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Quote:
Originally posted by myclearcreek
I, too, am thankful to have sons. The parents of my nieces will all be given copies, however. I have also given my older son a copy and assured him there is a Dad behind every door and a shotgun being cleaned in every living room.
My son just turned 14. I'm printing a copy of that for him now.

Honestly, it's all about respect. I pray that I have raised him well. So far, that appears to be the case.
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Old 06-25-2004, 07:38   #15
Bill Harsey
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Re: A pic of the first project....

Quote:
Originally posted by Guy
I was promoted to superintendent on...

http://image.pegs.com/images/EA/2685/2685_b1.jpg
I inherited this project 3/4 of the way thru and behind schedule.

StudioPlus Cross Creek Mall
4105 Sycamore Dairy Road
Fayetteville, North Carolina United States 28303

I hired a Korean War Vet to handle all the trades and a E-7(Ret) to handle all the labor.
Guy! That's Fantastic!!! Small problem here, your ruining my image of SF guys, I thought all you did was break stuff.
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