Existential Crisis
 

For almost a year now, life has moved along with all the stability of a 2007 Jeep Wrangler going 48 miles per hour on a country road full of potholes.
Sure, you can slow down until the death wobble stops, maybe you even bite the bullet and spend the money having a steering dampener installed but either way - the ride is no fun once that mother fucker starts to shake.

Then there was the election that was totally above board and absolutely beyond reproach with no signs whatsoever of impropriety, ballot tampering, or voter fraud.

This shit has had me questioning some things that I have always taken for granted - something that periodically hits me in the mornings about halfway through my first cup of coffee.

Now of course we have the events of 6 January 2021 to add to our collective social diary...

I'm faced with the realization that we all must always define our own lives through the choices we make and I am left wondering - is my bowl of cereal actually a salad?

For years - I knew I was smarter than everyone else because I knew that my cereal was a soup - sort of a Lucky Charms/gazpacho if you will - in a tasty pasteurized dairy broth with a garnish of raisins or sliced bananas.

Then suddenly America changed and I was forced to accept the facts - a salad is a mixture of food - typically using raw ingredients - often dressed and served chilled...
...crunchy oat cereal pieces, pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers.

Life turned upside down - when the cereal is gone - is the remaining milk still a dressing or is it magically transformed into a beverage?

I used to think it was a broth - and now - well, I just don't know anymore

Thanks as usual for the light hearted effort to brighten one’s day.

Now I’m wondering how good Raisin Bran Crunch would be with 1000 Island dressing or Creamy Ranch?

You tease - but this is serious business.

In fact - as I pour my dairy dressing over my salad it starts a transformation that makes things even harder to see clearly.

My Lucky Charms start as a salad - but - lets say I decide to eat another bowl of this delicious breakfast treat:
What started as a basic dairy dressing has taken on a new layer of flavors. As the many morsels of Lucky Charms bobbed through the dressing, they imparted a bouquet of flavors to the liquid.

Now that my salad is is gone, I am left with a bowl full of seasoned liquid milky stock. As I add another portion of crunchy oat cereal pieces, pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers to the bowl, I am forced to accept that my dressing has become a broth and my second bowl is now actually much more of a soup than a salad.

...I am almost always emotionally unfit to endure a third bowl because I am afraid of what the dish will become knowing that trouble always comes in threes.

As a result, I am resigned to taking my salad turned soup and ending the cycle by treating it like a beverage and simply drinking the sweetened milk to drown my depression.


Such a long road of uncertainly and restlessness lay before me now.





but to answer your question, I would recommend that you go with a lite raspberry and walnut vinaigrette

As long as it’s not fucking Russian dressing...had my fill of that for the past 4 years.

Or Italian for that matter...too much oil and vinegar for crispy crunchy golden flakes of oats and honey.

You’re right...save my Italian for Cap'n Crunch...lol, but only when I actually sail on the Guppy !

Well lucky for you, the next four years are going to give you all of the Asian Ginger and Sesame Oil condiments that you can handle.
...invest now while the prices are still low - once people realize that Uncle Joe is bought and paid for, the prices for Jia Le Shi cereal brands and Soy Milk are going to skyrocket.

Very solid investment advice - thank you.

In keeping with the condiment theme...

A very “high level” anonymous source - in the soon to be Slo Jo administration - tells me that Slo Jo’s favorite Chinese spice is...made from the fruit of the Chinese evergreen tree illicium verum...

...but Slo Jo just refers to it like the Chinese refer to Slo Jo...

Star Anus...

Well, thankfully Goya foods may step up and provide some form of “South of the Border” (made in the USA) food/liquid substance to offset the container ships steaming from China with cheap plastics infused imitation of real dairy from American cows sent to China so their flatulence doesn’t cause the “new” EPA to slaughter them all and pay the dairy industry a farm stipend to keep them quiet before growing more (fuel) corn.

You can’t eat fuel corn there’s no nutritional value in it...chickens won’t even eat it like their peas.

By the third bowl, your salad has leached enough sugar into your broth to qualify it as dessert. :D

So, are you suggesting that we are now talking about a sauce?

This isn't getting any easier.

Perhaps a roux?

No... definitely NOT a roux.
A roux is flour and fat (usually butter or bacon grease) cooked together and used to thicken sauces.
...I prefer unsalted sweet cream butter so that I can control the amount of salt

I feel like you probably didn't get an "A" in home economics.
A roux.

Jeez

I didn't get an "A" in a lot of courses...:D

Agreed...I like to use unsalted butter in my roux when preparing gumbo.

Sorry, back to your bowl. Perhaps your product doesn't contain enough of Clark's "non-nutritive cereal varnish".

Nomination for Best Post 1st 1/4 2021 w/2.5 months to go
 

Box
Surly, reminiscent of the Great Anthony Hopkins line expressed in the Silence of Lambs, delivered with chopping teeth and a slight grin, one reference that elevates the conversation from the mundane typical MB post, to that of, what was once the SNL of the early 1970's, brilliant, fresh. and funny as hell!!!